How to have a Prostate Orgasm
WHY Prostate Orgasms?
For many men, Prostate Orgasms can be intensely pleasurable. There are big differences between a standard orgasm achieved from cock stimulation alone, and an orgasm where the prostate is also involved. It’s similar to the way that women talk about the differences between their clitoral and vaginal orgasms.
A prostate orgasm feels deeper and more full-body. It provides a more intense feeling which is somewhat hard to explain; vulnerable and exposing are words which both spring to mind and you’ll have to trust me when I say that this specific sensation is genuinely pleasurable and exciting (not least because it may well be moving you outside of your comfort zone.) It’s definitely worth a try.
Pay some attention to the instructions below. My first time wasn’t much fun, and with a bit more knowledge it could have been great from the very start.
WHERE is the Prostate and what are you looking for?
The prostate gland, which some people call the male G-spot, is located 2-3 inches inside the anus, behind the penis. It’s not actually in your rectal passage but can be felt and massaged through the rectal wall. The “classic” description for finding it goes something like this: If someone faces you, kneels in front of you, then puts their finger inside your arse (they should probably get to know you first) and then uses a “come hither” motion with their finger, they’ll hit your prostate. (I’m always mystified by the phrase “come hither”. I literally have only ever seen it in sex explainers. Imagine someone beckoning you towards them with your finger. It’s that action.)
As for what the prostate feels like, again the “classic” description is that it feels like a walnut, but I think that’s more of a size description rather than a description of texture or solidity. It’s not as solid as a walnut and you certainly don’t want to try and crack it.
HOW do you get inside?
As Frankie says, Relax. Seriously, relaxation is the absolute key to enjoying this ride you’re about to go on. There are muscles inside your butt, which squeeze when you’re pooping. You do have control over those muscles and can tell them to relax, but it takes some focus and practice.
Start small; fingers or small butt plugs. Then, when you're ready, you can move up to dildos, penises or shampoo bottles (NO SHAMPOO BOTTLES, that’s a joke, and not a funny one. Whatever you’re sticking up there needs a flared base to prevent it disappearing inside. A game of 'find the lost toy' is not the kind of game you want, unless you’d like to add medical doctors to the list of players.)
Resist impatience or over-excitement which results in pushing in too much of a toy too early. If you stretch too far too soon, you could cause damage like haemorrhoids or anal fissures. Listen to your body though, and it’s hard to go wrong.
Be meditative, calm and slow, at least until you’ve understood how it all works over the course of a couple of sessions. Imagine you're on a beach, taking in big, warming breaths of sea air. You’re helping your pelvic floor to chill out. As you start to insert, push down your pelvic floor. Resist the urge to clench. Breathe, relax, and enjoy, taking plenty of time to get used to the sensations. If you experience mild discomfort, breathe through it. But if you have pain, stop.
It’s also important to get turned on before you begin. Get yourself hard or watch some good quality porn to get your engine warm, but not so over excited that you go off like a rocket. Prostate orgasms take a while so carve out an hour or more. Be prepared that you might not reach nirvana on your first try.
Experiment with various positions:
- Face Up: Easy to relax, if by yourself; intimate, if working with a partner.
- Face Down: Lie with a pillow under your hips to make access easier.
- Sideways: Lie on one side, drawing one knee towards your chest, allowing access from behind.
- Doggy Style: Adopt this position for a direct approach. Don’t start with this position as it places you too far out of control.
WHO should you do it with?
Either yourself, or a careful partner who you communicate well with. They’re taking your arse in their hands.
If you’re exploring with others, open communication is key. It's important to establish boundaries and ensure that everyone is up for this, and that everyone knows what to say if things need to slow down or stop. Feel empowered to say what feels good and if any adjustments are needed.
It can sometimes be hard to ask for new things with a partner, so try warming into the topic gently. Anal play can be a bit of a taboo for some people, which is one reason why it can feel especially interesting to explore and break through those boundaries. But not everyone wants to breeze straight past their boundaries and taboos. If you both do some research it’ll feel collaborative and like a journey you’re taking together. Sending them this blog-post, for instance, could be helpful as a starting point.
WHAT do you do once you’re in there?
Start with fingers. It’s a great way of getting used to relaxing into the sensation. However, whether you’re starting solo or with a partner’s fingers, make sure the nails on those fingers are very well cut and preferably filed. Your butt tissue is sensitive so it’s really important to not half-arse the job.
Start gently. A soft, massaging motion works. Now is the time to rock out that "come hither" move. Circular pressure is also rather nice. If you increase the pressure, do so slowly and with communication. Don’t throw in a cheeky hard thrust without warning. It’s not that kind of party.
Now come the toys:
- Butt Plugs: Teardrop in shape. Some vibrate; others have rotating beads at the base. They make your butt feel full, which feels great, especially when combined with other sexual stimulation. They’re not designed explicitly for direct prostate stimulation, but often do the job.
- Anal Beads: Great for an escalating sensation. They are nice solo but even better with a partner. Your partner can put the beads in (how many can you take?) and then tease you with taking the beads out (how does that feel?). Take them out slowly when you’re close to, or actually, cumming and it’ll feel pretty intense.
- Prostate massagers: These target the prostate and can be highly addictive. Don’t believe me? This 63 year-old got really into his Aneros. They are curved in shape and once inserted rest in the correct place for prostate stimulation. Look for ones which also target the perineum as they help hold the massager in place and have an extra wow factor. They usually vibrate and can result in full body orgasms.
Whatever you’re doing needs a lot of lube. A LOT. Like more than you think. Generally, water-based lubes are best for the body, the environment and there’s no danger of them interacting with toys. But you need to use a greater quantity of water-based lubes as they can dissipate more easily. Silicone-based lubes go further but if you use them with Silicone toys it’s not pretty. The toys start flaking and weirdly can start heating up. Oil-based lubes, meanwhile, erode latex, so don’t use them if you're using condoms or latex clothing.
If you’re looking to be penetrated by your partner, either by a dildo, penis or strap-on, start off in control of the thrusting. Going on top is a good start and make sure your partner begins in stillness. If you begin in doggy-style then your partner is in charge and could easily go too hard or too fast before you’re ready for it.
WHEN do we talk about poop?
Now. People get worried about poop with anal play and that’s fair. But you can’t make a prostate orgasm without dealing with some doodoo.
Here’s a couple of FAQs:
- No, playing with your butt is not going to start making you shit yourself (so long as you don’t stuff a monster dildo in your arse on your first go.) Follow the relaxation steps above, keep listening to your body and you’ll be fine.
- Yes; there is a chance that there’s going to be some poo on toys when you take them out. I quite often take toys out while sitting on the toilet. Keeps things simple and no chance of accidents.
To further avoid the chance of accidents many anal adventurers recommend cleaning out your butt first. To be honest, if you don’t feel like pooping and you’re not so bothered about a little bit of faecal matter, then this is probably not necessary. If you’re a little more particular then you’ll want to have a douche.
You can buy a douche inexpensively online; go for either a bulb or shower head attachment. If you’re using a hose, start the water first, check the temperature is low, the pressure is gentle and then put it in. Go easy; you’re not putting a river up there; just enough to rinse, not fill it up. Use clean water, nothing else (unless you go fancy and use a pH-balanced isotonic solution.) Water should be lukewarm, nothing hotter. Let it sit inside of you for a few seconds, maybe 10. Then let the water go. Keep going until the water is coming out relatively clean.
If you get into it, bear in mind that douching too much can increase the chance of unbalancing the microbiome in your gut. However, if you’re using small amounts of water at low pressure you could do it up to 2-3 times a week and not experience any issues.
NOW you’re ready to begin the anal adventure.
Prostate orgasms and anal play are a rich source of pleasure for you to enjoy by yourself and with partners. There’s quite a lot to think about but with some prior thought, careful practice and a thoughtful, steady approach to begin with there’s a whole new world of mindblowing orgasms out there.
So get exploring your butt and let us know in the comments below if you have questions, or tell us where the adventure is taking you. For those who are about to arse-dive, we salute you.
What is a prostate orgasm? An intense, full body experience caused by stimulation of the prostate.
Where is the prostate? In an area between the penis and the anal passage, indirectly stimulated through massage or vibration of the forward facing area of the rectum.
How do I achieve a prostate orgasm? Stimulate the prostate either using fingers or a toy. Do so carefully, using lots of lube, focusing on relaxation, breathing, whilst also listening to your body and not pushing too far too fast.