Sexual Wellbeing
Sexual Wellbeing

What Attracts a Woman to a Man Sexually?

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min read

What Attracts a Woman to a Man Sexually?

GASM author image
Hour glass icon white
min read
GASM author image
Hour glass icon white
min read
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April 11, 2024

The answer to the question “What attracts a woman to a man” is a big fat “it depends.” Beauty, after all, is in the eye of the beholder. Ask this question to some and they’ll say “lots of money and a great bod.” While in certain circumstances that might be true, there’s a lot more to it than that. Things like confidence, shared interests, passion, kindness. Though it never hurts to go for a run or do a few pull ups every now and again. 

This GASM guide is going in deep, exploring the 10 key areas which attract a man to a woman sexually. 

We also know that the harder question, and the reason you’re here, is how you can be attractive to a woman too.

That depends on some deeper, longer-term questions: 

  • Can you be the best version of yourself? 
  • Can you be the best version of yourself without waiting for your perfect partner to come along and make you better and sort your life out (BIG REVEAL: they can’t and they won’t)?
  • Can you look after yourself, develop your passions and your confidence? 
  • Can you work on being a kind, attentive person with a good sense of humor? 

All of these questions are a lifetime’s work. It’s work that is worth doing so long as you’re doing this work for you. It’ll make your life more worth living. The fact that cultivating these personal skills will also make you more attractive to a woman should be a happy byproduct. Remember it’s not an end in itself.

Understanding what sparks attraction is a dance between science, culture, and individual preferences. It won’t surprise you to learn that there is no one-size-fits-all answer. What might be a powerful turn on for one woman could be a strong turn off for another. However, research studies and social observations give us some pretty useful insights. 

So let’s dive in and explore what makes a man sexually attractive and how you can develop each of these attributes.

1. Confidence

Men who carry themselves confidently are attractive, regardless of looks. It’s about being sure of yourself without being arrogant. Assertiveness without pride is a strength which many women find appealing.

How do I build my confidence?

  • Boosting your confidence is all about backing yourself and recognizing your own potential. Kick off with bite-sized goals that are achievable, however small, and give yourself a well-deserved pat on the back for each win. 
  • Be kind to your inner critic. You can hear that voice and accept that it’s there, but then calmly provide a more positive counterargument. Trying to silence or block out your inner critic only makes it mad. So give your inner critic a hug and steer it towards more positivity.
  • Shake things up by trying new things, especially if it takes you out of your comfort zone.
  • Keep friends and mentors around you who lift you higher and make you feel better. 
  • Give yourself a good pep talk in the mirror. And always keep it positive. Yes, it might initially feel cringey but so what? You’re trying new things, remember.
  • Standing up straight, owning your space and pretending to be a cool, calm, confident guy can actually trick your brain into feeling more self-assured. “Fake it till you feel it” is a real thing. Once you get this cycle rolling, your confidence will gain more and more momentum.

2. Shared Values and Interests

While it's not strictly about sexual attraction, sharing core values and interests creates a strong, dee connection and can result undeniably in sexual chemistry. It’s one of the absolute foundations for intimacy and attraction. Likelihood is, you’ll be much happier in yourself and in your intimate connections if you seek out those people who share your values and/or your interests. Though it’s worth noting, some people get turned on by people who live very different lives and have very different (even opposing) values to them. 

How do I develop Shared interests and Values?

  • You can’t fake it. Trying to pretend will come across as odd and will likely feel the other person feel uncomfortable.
  • However, you can genuinely try to find out what a woman is interested in. If she’s into something you’ve not experienced before, try it out either individually or together. An appetite for new things, as we saw above, will help build confidence too.
  • Pursue your interests, work on your personal values and keep an eye out for the people you meet along the way. If they’re into the same things that you are, and they look at the world in similar ways to you, then this can be a great foundation for intimacy. 
  • Of course, opposites also attract. We’re not suggesting you go out and find your twin. You don’t need to be aligned on everything. However, there are lots of good quality sociological studies showing that similarities on key values and some shared interests massively increases compatibility. 

3. Emotional Intelligence and being a good listener.

Women are usually drawn to men who can understand, express, and navigate their emotions, as well as  be able to understand other people’s feelings. If you have Emotional intelligence you’ll show that you have the capacity for deeper intimacy. If you can listen attentively without immediately jumping to solutions or belittle the speaker's feelings you’ll make them feel respected and understood, which is a great way to build a connection. It’s quite often a powerful turn on as well.

How do I build my emotional intelligence and be a good listener?

  • Start with your own emotions - recognize them, figure out what sets them off, and see how they influence your actions. 
  • Get curious about other people’s emotions. Pay attention, demonstrate that you get where people are coming from, and react in a way that shows you understand them. Overdoing this can be super weird though so keep it restrained and do what feels right. 
  • Many men struggle with being a good listener because they try to solve problems for women, which ends up being patronizing. When a woman shares a problem, make statements which show that you understand and that you sympathize with the difficulties they are experiencing. Wait to be asked when, or if, a woman wants your opinion on how to solve an issue. Often all a person needs is a kind and sympathetic ear.

4. Sense of Humor

Laughter helps people bond. Men who can make women laugh or appreciate their sense of humor tend to seem more attractive, as it can signify intelligence and a shared perspective on the world.

How do I build my sense of humor?

  • Start with what makes you laugh. Watch comedies, listen to stand-up routines, and read funny books and articles to expose yourself to different styles of humor. 
  • Try to find humor in everyday situations, and don't be afraid to laugh at the absurdity of life. 
  • Practice makes perfect, so try cracking jokes with friends and family, but remember the key is timing and knowing your audience.
  • It’s about sharing a moment of joy, not just getting a laugh. Keep it light and stay open to different types of humor.
  • As Comedians say, “punch up not down”. This means don’t make jokes at the expense of people who have a lower status than you or who can’t defend themselves. 
  • Most importantly, don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself, without being overly negative. The confidence and absence of arrogance that self-deprecation shows can be very attractive. 

5. Passion

Whether it's about career, hobbies, or values, a man who shows passion and dedication is often seen as having purpose and depth. This can be a significant turn-on for many women.

How do I develop my passions?

  • Time is key. In the modern world everyone feels like they don’t have enough time. This isn’t strictly true. It is simply that our time is full of things that we feel obligated to prioritize or we spend time on things that don’t benefit us (hours on addictive online platforms, lack of boundaries between work and non-work etc.) Look at what you spend your time on and cut out those things which don’t benefit you in order to focus on the right things. 
  • If you already have passions in life, give more time to them. But remember that what once might have been a passion may now be a passion no longer.
  • Try new activities, attend workshops, or read around subjects that interest you. Pay attention to what sparks your excitement and creates a sense of flow, where time seems to fly by.
  • Once you identify a potential passion, dive deeper. Set aside regular time to engage with it, practice consistently, and don't be afraid of an initial, steep learning curve. 
  • Seek out communities or groups that share your interests; their enthusiasm can be contagious and provide valuable support. Give yourself goals related to your passion so you keep on progressing.

6. Kindness

Being genuinely kind and empathetic, not only towards a woman, but also towards others can be deeply attractive. Acts of generosity and altruism show that you have a nurturing nature, which can be sexually appealing.

How can I be kind?

  • Start by nurturing a genuine spirit of generosity and compassion within yourself. In other words, be kind to yourself through your inner voice, giving yourself encouragement and positive self-talk.
  • Then start with small acts: Listen properly when others speak, offer a helping hand without expecting anything in return or smile at strangers (don’t be creepy though.)
  • Cultivate empathy by trying to see things from others' perspectives and recognize that everyone has their own struggles. 
  • Offer genuine compliments freely, and don't shy away from expressing gratitude. It costs you nothing and you’ll start to notice that you feel better about yourself and bring joy to others. 
  • Volunteer your time for causes you care about, and make a conscious effort to understand and forgive others when they make mistakes.

7. Physical Attributes

Physical fitness is important for attractiveness. In study after study there’s a close correlation between regular exercise, the sense of wellbeing that fitness brings and the positive effects it has on the body. Does that mean that you need to be in Olympic athlete-like shape? Absolutely not. Do you need to feel good in your body and do something regular to make you look and feel better? Absolutely yes. 

How do I improve my physical attributes?

  • It’ll come as no surprise that looking after yourself will help you make the most of the physical attributes that you have.
  • Keep fit with cardio and weight training exercises.
  • Eat healthily, avoid ready meals and ultra-processed foods and use a balanced diet of fresh fruit and veg, whole grain carbohydrates and good sources of protein. Limit your intake of fats to healthy fats at a reasonable level.
  • Beyond this, make your peace with the body and the physical attributes you have. You can’t get any taller. And whatever you look like, there’s 9 other areas to work on in this list. Too much time is spent focusing on physical attributes when thinking about attractiveness and it’s genuinely only one piece of the puzzle.
  • Being confident, happy and present in your body are far more important. An aggressive diet, focusing on your physical appearance to the point of unhealthy obsession or physical regimes that make you miserable will only make you less attractive in the long run. 

8. Voice and Scent

Natural Scent and Natural Voice: Pheromones and testosterone play a subconscious role in sexual attraction. A man's natural scent, influenced by diet, genetics, and other factors, can significantly appeal to certain women. Voice meanwhile is an important area of attraction. However many people speak in a vocal register which isn’t their natural one. Teachers, for example, often find themselves using a high register to be heard over the din of a classroom. 

How do I improve my voice and scent?

  • You can build testosterone in sustainable and holistic ways (see our deep dive on the subject here.) 
  • Being relaxed helps your voice settle into its true register. Don’t try to force your voice lower or higher. A more natural and relaxed voice will help you seem most attractive.
  • Exercising regularly will keep your pheromones as appealing as possible, as will healthy eating. 
  • Keep up good hygiene practices: Dental health and regular washing will keep your musk from becoming overpowering. There’s some evidence that using unscented or only lightly scented wash products can assist with pheromones doing their job more effectively.

9. Style and Grooming

While this varies hugely based on individual preferences, being well-groomed shows that a man takes care of himself and values presentation. A sense of style can also reflect a man’s personality, whether it’s rugged, sophisticated, relaxed, or any mixture between.

How to improve your style and grooming?

  • Pay attention to style magazines and websites. Knowing what’s out there and paying attention to how you’d ideally like to style yourself will build your personal image.
  • Allocate some money to allow yourself to refresh your clothes and to get a decent haircut. You don’t need to spend huge amounts of money, but make sure that your clothes are well maintained and don’t wear clothes in a state of disrepair (unless that’s genuinely part of the look you’re going for.)
  • Believe it or not, washing, drying and even folding your clothes correctly can preserve them for longer and make them seem more appealing. 
  • Don’t be afraid of a little moisturizer, especially after shaving, to keep your skin in good condition.  
  • Try to get a good regular amount of sleep each night. You’ll look well rested and be happier too.

10. Happiness. 

Happiness is less about a constant state of euphoria and more about finding contentment and meaning in your daily life. By actively choosing positivity and embracing change and personal growth, you can build a foundation for enduring happiness. And as a byproduct, you’ll be more attractive. It’s a win-win.

How to be happy?

  • And here’s the big reveal. Most of the points above are actually about being happy. Staying healthy, eating well, getting sleep, being confident, emotionally literate, enjoying humor, investing time in your passions, being kind, will all make you happier and this will make you more attractive. 
  • You can’t be happy all of the time, but giving yourself a break when you're not happy, trying to rest and reduce the stresses of life will all help these moments to pass more smoothly. 
  • Practice being grateful and make a habit of recognizing and valuing the good things in your life, however small they may seem. 
  • Embrace activities that bring you joy and fulfillment e.g. spending time outdoors, playing or watching sport, playing or listening to music, reading a good book, or connecting with friends and loved ones. 


There’s a lot to Sexual Attraction. It’s an interplay of biology, upbringing, societal standards, personal experiences, and more. Every woman is unique. Mutual respect, understanding, and genuine connection form the core of any attraction. Beyond working on the list above, which will make you happier and better adjusted, relax. Being a happy, fulfilled, confident person will make you attractive.

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April 11, 2024
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