What is Pegging?
Pegging is where a partner uses a strap-on dildo to perform anal sex on their partner. Before 2001 there wasn’t a word for this form of play. That’s when Sex Columnist titan Dan Savage created a reader competition to give a name to this empowering, exciting and, when done right, very pleasurable, sex act. Pegging was born.
Now it’s taking over the world…one butthole at a time.
Pegging usually takes place within lesbian or straight couples. For our purposes here we’re going to be speaking predominantly about cis-hetero pegging where a woman penetrates a man.
There are a huge range of reasons why you might play with pegging. Number 1 is that it can feel amazing. If you don’t believe us, take a look at our deep dive into prostate orgasms.
Sometimes pegging can be a role reversal exploration or a power exchange. Although the man gets a lot of stimulation via the prostate, there can also be plenty of stimulation for the woman and there’s empowerment and intimacy, by the buttload, for both partners.
As with any sexual activity, communication, consent, and safety are super important to ensure a positive and enjoyable experience for everyone involved. To keep things cool, calm and kinky, (and safe) follow these guidelines:
1. Communication is Key
Yep, it’s worth repeating. Before anyone pegs anyone, “TALK.” Have an open and honest discussion. Talk about boundaries, desires, and the butterflies in your tummy. What are you anxious about?
To be honest, if you’re not also talking about the possibility that poop might make an appearance, you haven’t done the communication bit properly (that’s not to say, that poop is going to make an appearance. If you prep correctly, it likely won’t. But it sometimes does. And, trust us, if it does make an appearance it really helps if the P-word has been mentioned beforehand…)
Also give yourself a safe word to halt things if it becomes uncomfortable. At GASM we like the traffic light system: Green = “keep going”, Yellow = “we need a check in and to change things up, or go a bit slower, or faster etc” Red = “STOP”.
2. Prep your butt (if you need to)
A lot of people don’t feel the need to do any prep for getting pegged. But sometimes you’ll need it. In short, if you need to poop, do that before getting pegged. (We go into more detail on preparing for ass play in the prostate orgasm deep dive.)
3. Choose the Right Equipment
Get a high-quality strap-on harness and a dildo that’s designed for anal play. It should have a flared base to prevent it from going in too deep or getting lost inside (you really don’t want that happening or the trip afterwards to A&E). You want a toy which is made of non-porous materials to prevent bacteria lodging in it. Silicone is a good starting point; it's non-porous and easy to clean. Other non-porous materials like metal and Borosilicate glass can also be really good, but aren’t great for first timers.
4. Use Plenty of Lubricant
Your ass doesn't self-lubricate, so a generous amount of lube is really important. Always err on the side of using too much, rather than too little. Don’t use lube which is made of the same base as your toy. If you’re using a silicone toy, DON’T USE silicone lube. Water-based lube is generally safe for everything but often anal lubes are thicker and don’t dissipate as quickly as water-based. You need lube to keep things comfortable and to prevent tears or irritation.
5. Start Slow
Begin with fingers around your butt hole to relax the muscles. There are tons of nerve endings here and so the aim is for it to feel pleasurable. Lots of people, on their first time with ass play, only get this far, fingering and playing with the hole. If that’s you, great. You don’t want to start putting things inside unless it feels pleasurable and additive to the sexual experience. Simply orgasming while having your asshole played with can be a wonderful place to start with pegging, and there’s zero need to go all the way the first time.
If you are ready to put something inside, start with single fingers or a small anal plug. Again, this should be enjoyable and a really fun experience. Don’t try and move onto a strap-on until you’re ready for it. That process might take a few goes, sometimes even a couple of weeks of occasional play, before moving up to the strap-on dildo. Everyone’s different and some people can go quite quickly, quite comfortably. Go slowly, initially, and listen to your body. Remember, the receiver should always control the pace, until you’re super happy that you know where each other’s boundaries and temperaments are.
6. Find the Right Angle
Finding a comfortable angle for both partners might take some adjustment. Begin with the receiving partner in control, either on top or doggy style, to manage the depth and speed of penetration.
7. Keep it clean
Always clean your strap-on and any toys used before and after pegging. If you're sharing toys, cover them with a condom and change the condom before using it on a different partner.
8. Aftercare is Important
After you’ve finished with your pegging exploration, spend time with your partner to discuss what worked and what didn’t. It’s really important to have this moment of connection at the end. It’s a moment of emotional intimacy and bonding and important to debrief in a kind and caring way, (whatever might have come before it.)
9. Regular Health Check-ups
If you’re pegging regularly, include anal health as part of your routine check-ups.
The other pegging question…
Sometimes there’s another question which GASM gets asked around pegging:
“Does enjoying Pegging make you gay?”
There’s two really, really important answers to that question:
- No. The enjoyment of anal penetration does not correlate with someone’s sexual orientation. Most men have a prostate, which is stimulated during anal sex, and therefore most men have the capacity to receive a large amount of pleasure from pegging. This is entirely separate to their sexual orientation.
However, the reason that this question sometimes gets asked is because gay men, typically, engage in anal sex more regularly than other orientations. The reasons for this are obvious. In a typical gay male sex situation, there’s no vagina to penetrate and so anal sex is more often on the menu. However, just because gay men have understood for a long time how pleasurable anal sex can be doesn’t make the act itself homosexual. It’s just a societal correlation, which to be honest, could do with being unpicked and questioned.
- There's a second, even more important aspect to the question, “Does enjoying pegging make you gay?” If you’ve found yourself asking that question, here’s a follow up question. “Why does it matter that pegging, or anything else, might be gay?” Some of us at GASM have been, in the past, guilty of equating gayness with something negative. So we understand why it might be asked. But we also feel it’s important to interrogate that negativity.
Equating being Gay with weakness or something lesser, or something less manly is wrong. That’s an example of either internalized, or explicit, homophobia. And many of us have picked up homophobia from our upbringing or messages in society (watched an episode of Friends recently?). This is not intended to shame anyone. Like we said, some of us at GASM have clocked internalized homophobia in ourselves. But if you’ve ever noticed yourself having those thoughts, it could negatively impact how you think about, and then act towards, LGBTQ+ people. Even if it’s in subtle ways; it’s still bad. Also, unchecked homophobia might also be getting in the way of you enjoying a whole range of exciting sexual activities to do with your butt.
The (Butt) End
Pegging can be an awesome way of exploring sexual pleasure and intimacy. With the right preparation, communication, and care, it can be a really intimate and exciting part of a couple's sexual exploration. So long as you’re keeping an eye on safety, consent and great communication, pegging could well open you and your ass up to a whole new world of pleasure.
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